You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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