Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
