yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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