You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
