At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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