Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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