Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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