Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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