I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize