Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
