this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
