I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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