clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I've blown a few things in my day
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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