I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
