turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
