I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
