thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
