Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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