I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
