my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize