wakey wakey hands off snakey
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
