Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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