you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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