I smell stomach acid.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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