So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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