Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
