I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Randomize
