nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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