what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ketchup is God's man juice
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
