I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize