My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
