after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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