why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
