I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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