ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
