My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
