its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
