The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
