What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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