I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize