Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
