Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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