I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
