I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
