You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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