Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
