If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
