Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
