uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
