I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
