if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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