I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
