My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
