Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
