I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
