Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Rumble strips road head = magical
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
