On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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