just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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