How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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