P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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