yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
