so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
