eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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