he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it's like iHOP with fire
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
