Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize