After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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